By Ryn Gargulinski

Krissie was easily Boss Man’s most favorite employee – and by far my least. We worked side-by-side at a New York City ice cream shop in the early 1990s. She was blond, perky and went to NYU. I was gruff, brunette and went to the bar. I also had dirt under my nails and liked to wear ripped-up tank tops to work.

Boss Man gave her the best shifts, the best duties, and a raise. Boss Man bought me a nail brush.

Despite Krissie’s shiny appearance, she was as dumb as a stump. This became evident when we were robbed at gunpoint one evening.

As I stared at the barrel of the gun, I claimed I didn’t know how to open the register. I then slithered over to the secret button under the counter that was supposed to make the police come in 368 minutes or less.

Krissie ran right to the register, opened it, and started handing the gunman wads of the readily visible singles, fives and tens. But that wasn’t the dumb part.

That came as the man stuffed the money in his trench coat pockets and turned to leave. As he was halfway to the door, Krissie pulled up the cash register drawer insert tray to grab all the bigger bills beneath it.

“Wait!” she called out to the gunman. “Don’t you want the twenties?”

If working with someone like that is not enough to drive you nuts, I don’t know what is. Back then, I dealt with things in the exceedingly mature way you’d expect an 18-year-old to deal with them. I stuck my tongue out behind her back and eventually quit.

Now that I’m older, wiser and have vastly improved my nail hygiene, I can deal with annoying coworkers in much more sophisticated ways. We all can. 

We can get analytical. One of the most amusing ways to learn more about yourself is to ask yourself exactly why a particular coworker raises the hackles on the back of your neck.

Do they get away with things you’ve gotten busted for? Talk so much you can’t get anything done? Remind you of a long-ago uncle who used to squeeze your cheeks so hard they bled?

In the case of Krissie, I can look back and see I was envious. She seemed perpetually happy and appeared to have her life together – exactly what I was not. No, I didn’t want to BE her, but I would not have minded having a clue or two as to what I wanted to do with my life beyond getting drunk and scooping ice cream into sugar cones.   

We can get philosophical. It’s been said that we humans get most revolted by characteristics we see in others – when we have those characteristics in ourselves. Creepy, right?

While I still cannot see any traits in Krissie that reflected back on myself at the time, this phenomenon has unfolded in other situations. Like when I was partnered years later on a project with a loud, rough and obnoxious woman who annoyed the bejesus out of me.

“She’s so loud, rough and obnoxious!” I moaned. Then realized some people had said the same thing about the then-me. Oh.

We can get real. Admit it. Bashing a bothersome coworker can give us a powerful feeling of superiority. At least fleetingly, until we realize what we’re doing.

Every time we complain about or put down a coworker, we are bolstering ourselves up. Yes, riding on our high horse can make us feel good.

“Oh, I would never leave work with my desk such a mess.”

“I would never try to unjam the copy machine with a crowbar.”

“I would never lift up the cash drawer to give the robber the $20 bills.”

We can get tolerant. How many times have you prayed for patience and tolerance only to find yourself in the most excruciating circumstances where you need tons of both? Exactly. Be careful what you wish for.

Instead of praying for tolerance, we can shift our mindset to automatically embrace it. Don’t look at your coworker as an aggravating human. View them instead as a fellow soul who, like you, is just trying to do their best here on earth.

Also remember that someone who seems perpetually happy with a perfect life is only showing you the façade they want others to see. Inside they may feel quite differently.

This tactic works at work, and it’s also a good one to use when cut off in traffic or smashed on a crowded subway train. That’s because it actually works – at least until the next time the coworker uses a crowbar to unjam the copy machine.

We can embrace gratitude. When all else fails, gratitude can come to the rescue. Yes, we’re talking about being grateful for having a job, earning a living, all that blah blah – but there’s another juicy chunk of gratitude we don’t want to miss.

We can be grateful for the lessons that irritating coworker is constantly teaching us – like the big one on how we can shape our attitudes and behaviors so we never have to be like them.

===

Ryn Gargulinski is an award-winning writer, artist and coach who has worked with (and dated) some of the most irksome people on the planet. Read more in her latest book: “How to Get Through Hell on Earth without Drinking a Keg or Kicking a Garden Gnome.” Get your copy or learn more at RynskiLife.com.