Since language is supposedly what sets people apart from animals, you’d think we’d be ideal specimens for exceptional communication. But we’re largely not.

In fact, lack of communication is a common enough bother in the workplace to rank as one of the top reasons people hate their job. And 80% of employees across the board say they’re consistently stressed out due to poor communication at work.

This counts in the freelance writing arena as well. “I need an article about haircuts,” says the client.

“OK,” you agree. “What about them? Do you want descriptions of haircuts? A list of timeless haircuts? Psychological implications of bad haircuts? A deep exploration on why people still insist on getting the mullet? What’s the angle?”

“Oh, whatever you think is most interesting. Just do your thing.”

One thousand words and 15 references later, you submit your intriguing write-up on haircuts.

“What the heck is this?” the client balks. “Why didn’t you mention salon products, hair colors and eyebrow piercings? This should have outlined all the salon products on the market, a rundown on which hair colors look best with which haircuts – and how eyebrow piercings enhance the overall look.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before I started writing it, instead of after I’m done?”

“I figured you’d just know.”

Sigh.

Ineffective communication is not just a workplace phenomenon, either. Nor does it necessarily mean people aren’t talking. We could chatter all day long until our teeth fall out – but it doesn’t count as communication unless there is actually an exchange of understanding.

That means it’s imperative to realize that the man brain and the woman brain are on totally different wavelengths.

“Let’s have dinner at 6 p.m.,” she says.

“Sounds good,” he says.

“Angela says she went to the coolest seafood restaurant the other day,” she says.

“So you want to have seafood for dinner?”

“No. Why on earth would I want to have seafood? You know I don’t like that fishy smell that stinks up the house.”

“But you said Angela went to a cool seafood restaurant.”

“That doesn’t mean I want to eat fish, for God’s sake. We had already established dinner time. That conversation was done. I was on to the next topic.”

There can also be a huge communication gap when our mouths say one thing but our souls are screaming something else entirely. You know the deal. You don’t really want something but you agree to it anyway – and it backfires to the depths of hell.

Or at least that was the case when I said yes to a marriage proposal I didn’t really want. The romantic idea of being in love with a knight in shining armor acted as a big cloud to obscure the fact that I wasn’t in love with the creepy guy I was with at the time.

Despite my misgivings and the general itchiness of it all, I kept talking myself into the relationship week after week. I only mustered enough courage to break it off when I found him abusing a dog.

Once I told the guy it was over, he went berserk.

Stalking and death threats followed – along with a restraining order and jail time when he repeatedly broke the restraining order. The jail time seemed to finally communicate the fact that our relationship was done.

There are many reasons we don’t say what we mean. Maybe it’s easier to say yes then risk a confrontation. Perhaps we’re big on people-pleasing, putting the happiness of others above our own. Or sometimes whatever it is may sound like a good idea at the time – and we think we’ll be struck down by lightning if we happen to change our minds.

Guess what? We won’t. We’ll simply be learning a lesson that ensures we communicate more clearly the next time around. And we can’t go around moaning about poor communication all over the world unless we ensure our own communication is straightforward, clear – and the truth.

Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean. Pause before you give a knee-jerk response that seems easiest at the time. Then only speak once you’re sure your words align with your soul.

The easier, faster way of auto-agreeing to everything has a way of turning into a tougher turf of tangles in the long run.

So say no if you don’t want to marry the creepy man. Before you begin any project, emphasize how you charge triple your usual rate for changes due to unclear instructions from the client.

And maybe even explain how you’re moving on to a different conversation once you’ve confirmed dinner time. Might as well make it as easy as possible for everyone to understand what the heck we’re talking about – unless we want to end up stalked, stressed, frustrated and eating stinky fish for dinner.

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Ryn Gargulinski is an award-winning author, artist and Reiki master who finds the best conversations happen with her dogs. Check out her book: “How to Get Through Hell on Earth without Drinking a Keg or Kicking a Garden Gnome.” Get your copy or learn more at RynskiLife.com.

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